You Can Do Anything for Ten Seconds

Sometimes I feel like I’m running out of time.

I examine myself in the mirror, and criticize: Wow, this is my life. How do I fix this? This image of who I wanted to be never arrived. And I’m not the delicate, peaceful woman I imagined.

So I’ve learned coming into your future is not a 2000s romcom with good lighting. It is more like an impending spiral full of looming turns, detours, and blockages. I’ve learned that Bridget Jones may be the most relatable…

And the hardest part of moving through life is being left on hold.

But if you can survive for ten seconds, you can usually survive ten more.

Counting to ten has really helped me. Gripping onto myself, holding my own hand, even when the world wants me to release.

And then, what’s ten more seconds?

And honestly, holding on can be incredibly tiring. Especially in a world where we want everything to move fast. Figuring out who you are feels like trying to run through honey.

So sometimes a breakthrough can look like staying with yourself even when you start to feel shaky at five seconds. Life is a dance, embrace the shakes. Breakthroughs are also letting go, even if everyone else looks like they are still holding on.

Last month I resigned from a job I truly loved. Writing my resignation letter was one of the easiest difficult things I’ve done because it came from the heart, but breaking the news to my colleagues was a challenge. I felt like my exit meeting with my principal broke me. The meeting was quick, but even after I felt the sting.

That afternoon I went to a sculpt class. I take this class every Friday and struggle my way through it (sometimes I swear I see Jesus), but this time was different. Whether it was a dynamic movement or static hold, I counted and persevered. I survived my meeting and I knew I would survive my class too, just ten seconds at a time.

Counting to ten doesn’t come without some shakes (and that’s okay). 

You know when it’s time to let go.

And no, not everything in life is as easy as counting to ten. But paying attention is step one. Because perhaps one day I will realize I’ve stopped counting, and begun to truly live.