One of my favorite songs is “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. The lyric, “Time makes you bolder/ Children get older/ And I’m Getting Older Too,” has always resonated with me. But now that I am getting older, it’s difficult to cope with the young girl who is still inside of me.
Some nights before I go to sleep, I am overwhelmed by nostalgia. I reminisce about my girlhood and watch a deluge of One Direction videos when I should be going to sleep. It’s mind-boggling how fast time has flown by. I just became a woman one day. But I am not quite as happy as I used to imagine.
Turns out, my 20s are just as anxiety-ridden as my teen years. Adulthood feels like frolicking down the yellow brick road and gradually realizing Oz is darker than it first appeared.
And the worst part is carrying the weight of the world with you.
Sometimes it feels like there aren’t enough haircuts or yoga classes to shed the weight.
Will my shoulders ever drop?
There is a heaviness in my 20s that I didn’t expect. I find myself searching for answers in a classroom that expects me to be the teacher.
And if I’m being honest, figuring out who I’m supposed to be is exhausting, especially when my FYP is full of girls my age who have it all together. Growing up feels like constantly running from your past but never moving on from it.
Sometimes moving forward is simple as saying ‘no’ when the younger you would have defeatedly said yes. Other times it’s unlearning the habits of believing boys who tell you nice things. It is exhaling, even if your breathing feels shallow. It is choosing the journey, even when the road is deceptive.
Here are some things I’m learning:
Your 20s are chaotic (and that’s perfectly fine).
Everyone is keeping up with struggles you have no idea about.
So no, I’m not over it yet. But maybe getting older isn’t about transforming into someone new. Perhaps it’s learning how to carry every version of you more gently.
Hey Kaleigh! 
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