Hey Kaleigh!

Author: Kaleigh Dugan

  • Becoming ‘That Girl’ Online Versus Becoming Myself in Real Life

    I know how the algorithm wants me to live. 

    Wake up early, fall asleep with lemon water waiting on my nightstand. Keep an organized journal in perfect handwriting. Sunrise spilling over an immaculately made bed. A matcha latte with perfectly frothed oat milk. Pilates, skincare, soft lighting, neutral tones, color palettes. Becoming that girl.

    Online, that girl feels attainable. You just need the right filters, the right angles, and the right aesthetic props at hand. The digital version of myself can look composed, candid, balanced – even if the photo took 15 tries and I shoved a pile of unfolded clothes out of the frame.

    But real life isn’t nearly as polished.

    Like I wrote in my piece about romanticizing my skincare routine, I’m learning that true self-care isn’t about creating the perfect version of myself – it’s about learning to sit with who I really am.

    In real life, I am still learning how to find myself – and that version is far less attractive.

    Sometimes, becoming myself means sleeping through the alarm sometimes. It means beginning the day with coffee before gratitude journaling because as a teacher I don’t have much time and I can’t think straight without caffeine. It is being ambitious despite feeling anxious, purposeful but also overwhelmed, calculated but also unorganized. It means admitting that balance is not always possible – that sometimes I don’t meditate, and sometimes my skincare routine is just splashing water on my face before bed.

    Online, self love can feel like a performance. Offline, it feels like a process.

    Becoming that girl online is about crafting perfection. Becoming myself in real life is about learning to sit with the imperfections.

    I have spent a lot of time chasing the Kaleigh that looks decent on camera. But recently, I have been trying to find the Kaleigh who feels secure when no one is watching. The Kaleigh who makes time for her friends, even if she doesn’t have a lot of them. The Kaleigh who prioritizes joy, and lets herself rest without guilt. The Kaleigh who knows that not every season needs to be a glow-up.

    I am learning that the most authentic kind of self-improvement doesn’t have to come with a 24-carat aesthetic. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s honest but inconsistent. Sometimes it’s plainly deciding to be a little bit more transparent with myself than I was yesterday.

    Because becoming that girl may get me likes. But becoming myself is what’s bringing me peace.

  • Three Films that Saw Me Before I Saw Myself

    Every once in a while, a movie scene sneaks up on you. It slips past your expectations, bypasses your delicately constructed emotional guardrails, and elegantly lands somewhere deep inside. For me, these scenes came unexpectedly. I didn’t realize in the moment how much these scenes would stick with me.

    Sometimes it is a grandiose speech or a dramatic turn of events. Other times it is the climax of the film. Occasionally it is the quiet moments, the in-between scenes that most viewers forget about. Either way, as I pressed pause on my own life and hit play on my screen, I felt as though the directors were holding up a mirror and saying, “Hey, is this you?”

    I never expected films like Barbie, Lady Bird, or Promising Young Woman to hit me the way that they did. But somehow, each of them dealt me a tiny piece of myself that I never realized I was missing.

    Barbie: Gloria’s Monologue

    When America Ferrera’s character delivered that monologue in Barbie, I felt deeply seen. It was the way she essentially laid it all out, how exhausting it actually is to be a woman who’s supposed to be literally everything, all at once, without ever letting it look difficult. Pretty but not too pretty. Ambitious but not too intimidating. Intelligent but humble. A leader but likable.

    The first time I watched Barbie, I sat there thinking: Oh. For years, I have carried this quiet pressure to achieve the perfect balance. This speech has reminded me that to struggle is not a flaw, it is part of existing in a world that does not often make sense. Hearing a maternal character remind me that I can let it all go felt like a new kind of freedom.

    Lady Bird: The Car Ride

    And then there is Lady Bird. There is a scene towards the end of the film where Lady Bird (whose real name is Christine) is driving through her hometown of Sacramento. In this moment, she reflects on Sacramento, a place she once could not wait to get away from. Suddenly, it feels like the mundane has become beautiful. The streets she has driven countless times hold a softness she had never noticed before.

    This scene reminds me of how often I have overlooked the small, ordinary pieces of my own life. My home, my family’s dynamics, my Sunday routines – I always feel like my life needs to feel bigger. I have been so preoccupied by wanting to be perceived as extraordinary enough that I have lost touch with how much the unremarkable moments have actually shaped me.

    Promising Young Woman: The Ending

    Finally, Promising Young Woman. Without any spoilers, the ending of the film was brutal, complicated, and despite all else, empowering. Regardless of how vigilant I believed I was, I never could have seen the plot twists coming. Without giving too much away: Cassie’s project does not conclude in the sort of immaculate triumph that Hollywood loves to give us. There are flaws, but there is also a ruthless sense of justice. Cassie took control in a world that took everything away from her.

    What struck me the most was the way that Promising Young Woman forces you to sit with discomfort. The ending doesn’t fool you into buying that everything turns out okay, because oftentimes things aren’t okay. It taught me that feeling empowered does not always mean smiling through the pain or searching for the bright side. Sometimes it’s about staring directly at the ugly and refusing to look the other way. There is a power in telling the truth, even when it damages you. Especially when it damages you.

    These scenes did not hit me all at once, but together, they have quietly rewired the way that I see myself – especially as a young woman dealing with so much uncertainty. I am trying to be a bit more compassionate with the messy parts. To be merciful with my feelings, even when they are complicated. To welcome the dull moments that I used to overlook. And to remain courageous in the face of all things that are unfair. 

    Movies don’t just entertain us. They hand us pieces of ourselves that we did not know we were looking for.

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  • Why Writing Instagram Captions Feels Like Therapy

    There’s something oddly cathartic about crafting the perfect Instagram caption. I am not talking about the cheeky “in my main character era” kind (although I love a good T.S. innuendo). I mean the kind where you sit with an emotion, wrestle it into a few words, and manage to make it sparkle.

    This is not just wordplay, it is a digital diary.

    When I scroll through my camera roll, I am not just looking for my finest angle. I’m searching for a moment that meant something, even if the memory was as short as the camera flash. The gelato that led me to discover a cherry allergy. The bartender I swore looked like Jason Kelce. The photo where my face is asymmetrical and my smile is off-center, but unmistakably real. And when I sit down trying to caption those photos, my intention is more than racking up likes — I’m trying to convey my feelings in a sentence or two.

    A picture is worth a thousand words. But none of my followers are going to read all that. Maybe it’s the writer in me. Or maybe it’s the part of me that wants to be seen. Instagram captions let us share just enough. We can be witty, honest, arrogant, sentimental — sometimes all at once. It’s a space to reclaim control over our stories, in a feed that is often too curated by an algorithm to be anything but real.

    There is also a freedom in knowing it’s not that serious…and yet, sometimes it is. A caption can be a subtle confession delivered through lowercase letters. A double entendre that landed when you felt like you weren’t funny anymore. A quote that you needed to read, even if you had to write it yourself first.

    So yes, caption writing is sometimes a catharsis. It is the digital version of your diary hung in a gallery with your friends, family, and fans. And while I won’t downplay actual therapy for a Notes app draft, I will leave you with this: when the words finally land, and your post goes public, it does feel like a little exhale.

    And that has to count for something.