Learning to Find Hope

There are days where having hope feels like this fantasy dream that I half remember after waking up.

I attack my thoughts of exhaustion with caffeine and pretend I’m no longer tired. Physically or emotionally.

But somewhere in all the chaos, I am learning to find hope.

Here is what I’m learning (gently, but surely):

It is not enough to simply exist.

You need to find a way to be okay with that existence.

Not by repeating the mantras your yoga teacher preaches, though they can be lovely too, but in the way you carve time out of your busy week to meditate. In a simple, almost bland kind of self-love. The way you care for your friends without question. The way you would talk to someone, kindly.

Ask yourself what your hopes are, and really wait for the answer.

Ask, but don’t interrogate.

You don’t have to be optimistic all the time. But you can be kind to yourself. And your greatest hopes start to feel within reach.

So now, I am trying. Hoping that this practice of optimism will someday replace those moments of hopelessness altogether.