I’m Not Her Yet, But I’m Trying

There’s a version of me that I hoped I’d be by now. 

She’s achieved so much. She’s successful. She doesn’t just know what she wants – she asks for it clearly, confidently, and without apologizing. She walks into rooms like she belongs there because she knows that she does. She explains her emotions without ending each sentence in a question mark. She doesn’t Google “how to stop crying” at 12am.

But I’m not quite her yet.

Instead, I’m somewhere in between. A little nervous, a little burnt out. I’ve outgrown acting like I am okay with things when I’m really not. But I still haven’t become a pro when it comes to fully trusting myself and honoring my boundaries. I am learning to be softer without being smaller, learning to want things out loud. But some days, I don’t even know what I want. Only what I don’t want.

So I am asking:

How did you learn to have some more faith in yourself?

How did you accept the real version of you over something you were performing? What helped you loosen up?

I don’t need some ten-step plan. Honestly, I’d prefer an easy fix. Just some simple thoughts. The kind you share over lunch with your friends, chatting like time doesn’t matter.

Because maybe none of us have it all figured out.

And maybe that’s okay, too.